Losing my happy home

Some time thing did not work as per plan, it does happen to ordinary loving parents. It started well, the husband take care of the family, and the affair take effect step by step, by the time you know it to would be too late to manage your own emotion.

This is the case of this man in the local paper, being new to the company, he thought he can do himself a favor by trying to learn as much from the young widow, unknowingly it went too far.

..... see more of this happening

I am 36, married, and have three beautiful children. I was in a very happy family. My husband was very close to me and we were a happy-go-lucky couple, often behaving like 20-year olds. We would have sex three to four times a week, went clubbing and had a great time. We shared everything together and his salary would even come straight to me. He didn’t even remember his ATM card number! If he needed money, he would ask me.

We moved to Kuala Lumpur 11 months ago. Things started changing about four months ago. He started to go out with J, a married woman with no children. She has been working at his company for a very long time and knows the system inside out. They started spending a lot of time together.

One day, one of his staff called me and told me that my husband and J were going out together often. I didn’t confront him but a few days ago, when he came back after attending a two-day course project, he accidentally sent a text message to me saying: “I feel very guilty when with my wife. She trusts me so much.”

When I questioned him about it, he didn’t admit anything. After showing him some proof though, he admitted he was having an affair. But he said that he would never leave me and the children, as family comes first. At the same time, he wouldn’t promise me to leave her. Why does he need her too?

I love him more than my children. He comes first and my children come second. He said that KL life is just like that and everybody has a girlfriend. Is this true? I don’t want to share my husband with anybody else.

I said I wanted to leave him but he said he didn’t want me to. Please help me. I am feeling very down.

The children love him very much and until today, he is still good to us. I just cannot accept the fact that he has another woman and have even thought of committing suicide. I love him more than my life and just want things to go back to the way things were before he began his cheating. I don’t know what to do anymore and feel so broken-hearted and lost.

Lost

IF you kill yourself for a cheating husband, you are a greater fool.

When a marriage gets rough, draw solace and strength from the little ones. They need you to be strong. They need a mother who will not give up on life because her husband decided to have an affair. Do not accept a lame excuse that he succumbed to the ‘KL lifestyle’. The painful truth is hard to bear but your man could not resist the lust and passion of a stolen affair. If you allow yourself to sink into depression and hopelessness, then you are not doing yourself justice.

This is the time for rage and anger. There is no excuse for your husband’s behaviour. If J had been a great help at work, you have been the pillar of his home. You are his wife, the mother of his children. You enjoyed great sex together and shared common interests and friends. You had never shirked your responsibilities and have made your home comfortable, warm and wonderful. He may still be good to you and the kids but he has no right to ask that you accept his girlfriend because she loves him too.

Do not allow your husband to coerce and bully you into acceptance. He does not want you to leave but wants to keep her in his life, his bed. Unless you feel that crumbs are better than nothing, fight back when you still have the chance to save your marriage. Perhaps you should even consider getting your husband to get another job if he does not want a divorce. Move back home, away from temptation. Talk to his parents for help and support.

Never back down without trying to get your man. Let him know how much you love him but tell him you are not prepared to allow his affair to continue. If J is married, she too should be worried about the consequences. However, be warned that a man on heat is a devious man. He will shift the blame to you, make you feel inadequate and lacking. You will feel like a failure, the guilty person and responsible for his behaviour.

So be prepared. If he refuses to move and insists on keeping his girlfriend, then consider a plan of action. If you can, get a job. Dress up, put on makeup and look beautiful. Have a life of your own, make your own friends. You need to feel worthy, to build up confidence and self-esteem. If you are financially independent, you will not be so afraid to leave your husband. Work for yourself and your children. Never believe that you will die without this man.

There are couples who manage to get back together after an affair wanes. It takes a lot of heartache and forgiving but some women prefer this to divorce. The journey now is going to be very rough and emotionally draining. You have to be so brave and patient. Whether you leave or stay, you will have to watch your man turn into a selfish, heartless monster. Until he realises how much he stands to lose if he wrecks his own marriage, he will believe that he is not doing anything wrong

So who is paying the price... the whole family and at the end it is not worth it.. that is what my friend had said