mending relationship number 2

Sunday April 19, 2009

The better man will win
Dear Thelma


I AM a 30-year-old man who broke up with my first and only girlfriend nine years ago.

Six months ago, I met a girl, C, at a friend’s party. She did not really talk to me at first as she found me stand-offish. Over the following months, we met mostly through group outings and somehow my feelings for her grew. Recently, we had a chance to be alone and I confessed my feelings to her.

I did this despite knowing that she already has a boyfriend, whom she has been going out since her college days. Their relationship is mature, they have even bought a house together, although she has turned down his offer of marriage, claiming she’s not ready for it

Surprisingly, after I expressed my feelings, she did not reject me outright. She told me that she too had grown to be fond of me. Happily, we decided to give things a try and she alternates between seeing me and her boyfriend.

During times of guilt, she’s asked to break our relationship but I have told her that she should not rush this matter.

She’s in a dilemma and doesn’t know who to choose – someone who’s she known for many years or a new love. I’ve tried to assure her that her feelings for me are genuine else she would not have reciprocated my love.

I only worry that she will end up choosing her current boyfriend only for the sake of convenience. How do I convince her that she has to trust her heart and put faith in my ability to be the right life partner for her?

I have no feelings for anyone but her and the thought of losing my fated love now haunts me. Do you see a happy ending in this for both of us?

Daydreamer

YOUR girlfriend will have to make the ultimate decision. She knows very well that she can’t have both men.

Her mind probably tells her to stick with her guy. After so many years together, sharing house and home, she almost has a marriage.

But then you came into her life and you brought excitement, attention, love and thrill.

You understand her well and do not want to pressure her into a decision. Yet, you seem to have accepted the inevitable, that she will leave you eventually.

With this attitude, you will surely lose your gal. Think before you give up.

If she has been truly happy with her guy, would she have allowed herself into this situation?

Two timing is very stressful because it involves lies, deceit, manipulation and deviousness.

If this woman is of such character, then you should be the first to leave. But if you believe that she is with you because she is having doubts about her relationship, then you have hope.

If your love is so strong after knowing her for only six months, then go on fighting.

Ask for time, create opportunities for this relationship to develop and strengthen. Persuade her with love, sincerity and persistence. Do not allow fear, doubts and placid acceptance to rule your mind.

Love has no enemy. When she has to decide, the better man should win