Squeezed out

Sunday April 26, 2009

Squeezed out

MY fiancee and I are both 31 and we’ve been dating for two years. We are totally comfortable with each other and I love him dearly.

He proposed last November and I accepted. Since then, we’ve been making arrangements for our wedding at the end of this year.

In the last few months, he has been overwhelmed with work and we’ve spent less time together. In fact, he works 24/7 and whatever little time he has, he likes to catch up on his sleep. He does squeeze me in occasionally and inevitably I’d sacrifice anything to be with him.

There have been occasions when he spends time with his male friends, which is totally acceptable. The real issue is that we have not been intimate for the past four months. It really troubles me and I am not sure if this is normal. I feel a sense of frustration and, as a result, get into arguments with him over trivial things.

I keep making excuses for him to give him the benefit of the doubt, such as stress and work pressure. Then how come he has such a good time with his friends? I tell myself things will be different once we live together post-marriage.

I do not want to speak to him about this as I want him to be intimate based on his feelings for me. But it hasn’t been happening. Is this how it’s going to be after marriage? Has he lost interest? Am I being taken for granted? Am I being neglected? Am I making a fuss over nothing?

I’m on the verge of giving up on marriage, and he seems totally unaware about the way I feel. I am shy about raising this delicate and sensitive topic.

Unhappy

THIS is not the time to be shy. You are planning marriage to a guy who cannot find the time to be intimate with you for four months. Something is not right and you have every right to ask.

You do not want to be squeezed in occasionally, when he feels like it. It is insulting and demeaning. While you are a sweet, magnanimous person who believes in giving this guy space and time out with his buddies, you need love and assurance too. After the marriage proposal, the man has been in hiding, playing it cool. So he’s busy and tired, but work rarely goes on 24/7, unless he is a machine working for an organisation that works its employees to death.

Do not bother with excuses. Tell him exactly how you feel. You are on the verge of walking away from this relationship. Planning a wedding when he is behaving like a jerk is a waste of your time. You love him but you will not tolerate such irresponsible behaviour. He seems to be pushing you out of his life, forcing your hand to call it quits. Why must he resort to such cowardly ways?

If he loves you, he will need you always – when he’s happy, sad, under pressure, or stressed out of his mind.

Love is about sharing the good and the bad. You are being neglected big-time and making a fuss is probably the only way you will get heard. It is not sensitive and delicate when your future is at stake. Do you see a lifetime with this guy?

Give him a chance to talk. You want to know if he still cares enough. If he cannot convince you now, call off the wedding.

Dear Thelma
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